FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Gilbert, Arizona – April 1st, 2016 – Some of the top names in the internet marketing and search engine optimization industries announced today that the last 5 years spent convincing businesses to market themselves on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest was all “an elaborate hoax.” This hoax, orchestrated by a giant Illuminati-esc cabal of SEOs, CEOs, and other acronyms, was apparently just an excuse for marketers, designers, assistants and small business owners to spend time posting selfies and engaging in counterproductive political arguments during the workday. This shocking revelation sent shock waves through the political and professional establishment this morning, leaving social media managers across the nation wondering “what now?” And owners of social media platforms like Mark Zuckerberg laughing hysterically as they quote, “rolled around in piles of cash.” It is still unclear what this evil cabal’s next plan of action will be, though rumor has it that it has to do with emerging virtual reality technology and “The Matrix” style human battery pods.